The happygoluckybean is in a rut. Over the past two weeks I haven’t been as happy as I usually am and it sucks. I find myself more serious, having a neutral face unlike me oddly smiling at all times. I also haven’t had a good nights sleep in two weeks even though I come home now a days and it’s literally all I do.
I seem to have lost motivation for just about everything. I truly believe I was trying to hide it, until the other day my sister pointed it out. She really asked me, “What happened to you? You used to make so many jokes.” Now I can’t remember the last time I was crying of laughter. I already argue with my parents enough but since I got back, its been worse. I feel both of them trying to reach out to me but I keep pulling away for no reason, I appreciate the gesture though.
I also find myself glancing at the past more and more. Oh how I miss the summer. I want it back.
If I’m being brutally honest I brought this upon myself. But I’m still happy ????? I have so much on my plate at the moment yet I still belted out “I GOT THIS!” into the empty pit I call my room. Maybe if I write more, I love writing when it comes to me. Maybe if I started painting again, oh god I haven’t used my retainer in ages…my appointment is soon. I will be exposed.
In fact, I don’t want just the summer back. Give me back 2016, 2017 was such a rip off in my case. Man, I’ve taken a loss every day in the past 18 days and it’s not getting better. I always find myself referencing to Drake being a superman but maybe he’s right when he said it’s gonna get a whole lot worse before it gets any better. Darn, I thought Mercury Retrogade was over.
If you have any suggestions to help me get over it, I will gladly do anything. So far my only goal for 2017 is to learn the funny choreography to Childish Gambino’s “Sober” video and learn how to write with my left hand (I’m right handed but I do things such as eating or brushing my teeth with my left hand)
From the biggest goofball in history,