Phoneless

I got my phone taken away! Yippee Kai Yay! It’s actually been nearly a week and I miss it. I’m not going to lie, but not for the reasons that most people miss phones for. I was never really attached to it to begin with but it sucks. For starters, I can’t really tell you why I got it taken away because I wasn’t paying attention. Something about responsibility, but after the lecture I awkwardly danced my way to the kitchen and started picking up dishes.

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For one, I lost my streaks. That’s okay. I didn’t need them. However I somehow managed to keep one 3 days after I got it taken away which is to me, a sign from the universe that me and this dude are going to be friends for a WHILE. I don’t miss Instagram, it kind of sucks though. I was trying to post more often and build a theme like my tumblr (SELF PROMO IM SORRY HAHAHA), like me. I DO miss my spam account, ugh!! UGH!

90% of my friends are McMahon students whom I’ve met through parties, class, other people, and just meeting them. 20% of these people are those I see on a daily basis or have class with. My social life is crumbling. I feel like a hermit. I need contact with those beyond real life. I need more. But, I’m dealing with it. I actually made a notebook for thoughts I wish I could send. A social person like myself isn’t cut out for this, not talking to people. Especially when I think of things to say on the spot.

Here’s the thing : I miss my music. HOMaGod. I miss my music. Yes, I’m using my Mac to type this up while jamming out. No, it’s not the same. I wouldn’t like to carry this thing around school on my lap JUST for music either. Look, music means the world to me. That seems kind of weird for me to say. This sounds extreme, but I use around $40 bucks a month on special music offers, Apple Music, Soundcloud Go, you name it. I call it : Investment. I make business through my music in a way. If people want recommendations, I give it to them. You got an aux cord? MY PLEASURE. I’ve actually started to imagine certain parts of songs in my sleep and since I can’t remember with such a huge music library, I have to scroll through 500+ songs JUST to find the song so it will stop bugging me. This morning? Turns out it was from Childish Gambino’s “Baby Boy”. It was driving me nuts.

The other day my mom gave me her phone out of pity (The phone is an issue my dad has, my dad is a whole other blog post to explain). I went straight to Apple Music, the library filled with Christian gospels. I went to the search bar and !!!!!! She doesn’t have apple music! That was the music she BOUGHT. So I jolly hopped to Safari and typed Soundcloud to log in. I thought I was at the gates of paradise. I TASTED the music notes lingering my ears/mouth/everything. I was in the dark, this was like 1AM. I whipped my headphone out, thinking I took the W. This is making me cry wow. I went in to plug the headphones, I forgot. She has the iphone7. THERE IS NO AUDIO JACK. I actually had to cup my hands over my mouth and I silent cried.

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Yesterday, there’s this junior on the bus. He was playing something by the title of “Coffee”. Never heard of it. However, he was in the front of the bus when I sit in the back. Looking back, it was embarrassing squinting my eyes super hard just to see that song title, it satisfied me in the end though, good groove.

I’m mopey about this, gang. I want my tunes, as soon as possible. But somehow I’m not that bummed out, you know? I feel productive. I’ve begun to pay a lot more attention to my blog, the things I want to type to my friends, my thoughts, I’m writing them out. I changed my blog look, I dig it very much. I’ve paid more attention to my Tumblr too, more or less the same with my phone. I prefer computer version. This is kind of exciting, me without a phone. I’m focusing on projects I’ve wanted to complete. On the toilet, three minutes ago, I made a rhythm over my pee sound and I thought of making a time capsule. I’m EXCITED for it. We should all make time capsules. Even better: Let’s bury them together, reader !!!!

What will happen? Will she cut her hair finally? What if she shaves it all :0? What is she gonna do with wannabe? Will she at last repaint her room by herself? Will she get that new clothes drawer?  Will her social life meet doom? What about her daily ritual of listening to Drake? Will she really make 30 days without foundation? Stay tuned.

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L8r Dudes didn’t feel quite satisfying for my last post, whoops!

Also, I’m so active on this blog out of no where it’s kind of annoying sorry!

 

 

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a (sad) day without immigrants

I went out by accident but have no regrets to the things I got to experience in my first, and hopefully last day without immigrants.

I went out today.

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I couldn’t stop it, I didn’t even know until I arrived at my destination. My mom and I have never been to the mall alone together, at least without my siblings or an obstacle. We’ve been trying since my siblings came. So of course, I was hyped. This day meant everything to me.

At noon, we sped past the fast food pit stops on the highway, nearly empty. I was kind of shocked, literally 5 cars and a few tractor trailers on BOTH sides. It was unreal, it was surreal.

We stopped by my Aunt’s house as well, she took in a homeless woman with her kids. On this stranger’s phone was a video streaming of people speaking Spanish admiring Donald Trump who is my president, but can never be capable to hold such a title. This lady whom I never met before was in tears holding her two kids and kissing them on the forehead. I was completely oblivious to what was going on, I kind of washed out in their conversation.

Then I made my way to the mall. What seemed to be “Rush Hour” might as well have had tumble weeds zipping through the parking lot. It was an absolute ghost town. I asked my mom what was going on and she whipped her neck around “You don’t know?” I made an O with my mouth after she explained. It all made sense but nothing could get rid of the pit in my stomach. What was I doing out here? I parked farthest away from the small community of cars with stickers degrading all sorts of lives, lifestyles, folk in general.

Walking INTO the mall was a completely different atmosphere. There was chaos, but it was quiet. But, it was dead. There was no life to it. There was no heart, no joy, no fun. It didn’t feel right. We had white people zipping around the mall switching into uniform right in front of us, aprons to keep it PG. I felt alone. My mom has both white and asian features while being Honduran, it was an easily blend in. I stuck out like a sore thumb, I felt like one too. It sucked. The vibe,,,,sucked. I got a few head turns but I had fun. I had fun making jokes, whirling around the mall screaming “We need the immigrants, look at us without them!”. I had fun watching people turn heads and shake them when I nudged at my mom mentioning details of my Honduras trip just loud enough.

 

My mom eventually found out what I was trying to do, she knew I was just having a good laugh but jeez, I got scolded and we left. After that, I went home, which is code for thrift stores. I went to one, where I actually bought a cap that reads “The Pete and Wayne show”, it’s rad. Most caps are held in the Men’s section so when I saw a tall man in a mustard colored jacket with a Trump hat, I had fun with it too. Watching his disgrace as I purposely grabbed “Men” coats and sweaters to try, plus the cap. FYI, I did get a sweater, blue with hockey sticks. I felt more cozy in the thrift stores, Hispanics were flying everywhere. I would like to think of it as a safe haven for many. When I realized why I felt so comfortable, I got sad again. We had latinos and latinas working the cashier, carrying donations across the room. They had a look in their eyes that wasn’t the happiest. They didn’t want to be there, here, present.

Shoutout to the immigrants that couldn’t afford to loose a day of work, risking getting fired or even worse conditions. To those who smiled seeing protestors roam the streets, from inside of facility windows. For the folk who couldn’t do anything fearing potential deportation. Shoutout to those who were able to do something, not work, protest. These people are the life of it all, the heart. I don’t even want to count this as February 16th, it seemed to artificial to even call it a day.

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heart eyes

Angsty teen girl talking about a holiday based on a baby with an arrow, while touching on love, relationships, single-ness, and an existential thought to end.

Hey gang, hope you’re all doing well. It’s nearly midnight on a Sunday, but wait it gets better, in a couple of days Valentines Day is upon us. Now, we have two ways to go here. I have done both over the past 14 years or so. We can either be bitter, whine about a flying baby, or accept the fact that we can’t beat ’em, so we join them. I chose to join ’em unless ’em is code for corporate marketing ways and capitalism.

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I don’t know where I am, but it’s not complicated. I like a boy as more than a friend but at the same time as a best friend, which is apparently the “Your boyfriend is your best friend” goals, never really cared for standards. That part is complicated since the feelings between both of us have been like doing the tango on a 5 month loop. Too bad we’re too sarcastic to indicate anything between us. The easy part is that I understand that he loves me, and we are the best of chums, so do I really need to stress? At least we are in the safe zone. Tehe, he’d rather hang out with me than play GTA which is a bonus. I’ve fallen head over sneaker aglets for an ugly rat, but he’s cute o whateva.

I know this might sound boring, “Can’t relate!” “MustBeNice!!1” but haven’t we all have some sense of extra emotions towards another? A zest? I’m trying to talk about the childhood valentines days but I’m incapable of doing it in a discrete manor so here it goes : I miss childhood valentines day. The ones where we dragged bags of sweets and holographic cards with ridiculously genius sayings on them. My brother got one a few years ago thats holographic AND it’s a golden retriever. Now that’s what I call an investment. When did it all end, most importantly, why did it end? I haven’t stopped though. I refuse, last year in the 8th grade, you bet your biscuits I had my tiny plastic bag with air heads, lollipops, and disney princess cards with snarky messages of admiration imprinted on them.

Idea: An alternative title for this post would be “Puppy love” but I’m going to insert pictures of dogs throughout this whole joint!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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For the peeps who have hella heart eyes for someone, go for it! Ask yourself what happens if you don’t do anything, what if you decide to do something, or a simple “Maybe”. I’ve done this countless times with several other situations and it helps to get a somewhat image of possible paths. But, I’m a huge believer in YOLO, so I encourage you to go after anything you want. I have a friend with a ridiculous name, and I told him about my situation with “Wannabe” (what I call my egg head) and he reminded me that it’s a simple “No” if things turn south. Most of my friends reminded me countless times that I should be doing the things I promote, living in the moment, and doing the things I desire. That’s what I’m promoting you to do. Live in the moment. Life goes on. Things happen. If they happen in your favor, congratulations, you’ve hit the jackpot. If for your potential doom, gambling isn’t exactly necassory but how exciting is it to know that your own jackpot is still out there?

For the single and happy folk, yes! Being single is such a look. Honestly, iconic. Sometimes I think I can do this forever. This seems kind of empty, but here’s a happy portrait to feed your needs, people of all situations should read this. I’m not religious but I get snatched to church by my parents every week even though I don’t pay attention in there. Anyways, I was sitting in the church cushion and I had a thought, I cried because I was so starstruck :

Take any relationship you have. Someone preferably close to you, a family member, a best friend, or your mate. Now examine all of your conversations with that person, texting, talking, calling, snapping, handwritten sentiments, anything. Now convert all those times into hours. Realize how much time, in reality, you have spent with this person. It’s remarkable. I was converting my time with wannabe over new years, a convo from 9PM to 12Am (first person in 2017 ;)) which is short for us. So I took the past 5 months worth of convos into hours. I realized that if I smushed it together, if I were to just add the time of us talking without sleeping, eating, school, we would have talked for 2 WEEKS straight. Isn’t that incredible? You and the person you chose have done : That. It’s a crazy concept for me. Even crazier if I know the person for a longer period of time.

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Click here for something happy from the nostalgic valentines version of myself + a few sweet tunes aha get it, sweet, like candy, as in, valentines!

Bulletproof love – Pierce the veil – Pure guitar and soul cleansing from this classic :’)

No other heart – Mac Demarco  – What could you lose? Well for one, her heart, belooonnngggs to another and no other heeeaaarrrttt will do. A soft bop for sunsets and fresh linen aromas.

Stay – TYuS  – VERY underrated R&B artist, vibes similar to Partynextdoor. 🙂

L8r dudes 🙂