a (sad) day without immigrants

I went out by accident but have no regrets to the things I got to experience in my first, and hopefully last day without immigrants.

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I went out today.

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I couldn’t stop it, I didn’t even know until I arrived at my destination. My mom and I have never been to the mall alone together, at least without my siblings or an obstacle. We’ve been trying since my siblings came. So of course, I was hyped. This day meant everything to me.

At noon, we sped past the fast food pit stops on the highway, nearly empty. I was kind of shocked, literally 5 cars and a few tractor trailers on BOTH sides. It was unreal, it was surreal.

We stopped by my Aunt’s house as well, she took in a homeless woman with her kids. On this stranger’s phone was a video streaming of people speaking Spanish admiring Donald Trump who is my president, but can never be capable to hold such a title. This lady whom I never met before was in tears holding her two kids and kissing them on the forehead. I was completely oblivious to what was going on, I kind of washed out in their conversation.

Then I made my way to the mall. What seemed to be “Rush Hour” might as well have had tumble weeds zipping through the parking lot. It was an absolute ghost town. I asked my mom what was going on and she whipped her neck around “You don’t know?” I made an O with my mouth after she explained. It all made sense but nothing could get rid of the pit in my stomach. What was I doing out here? I parked farthest away from the small community of cars with stickers degrading all sorts of lives, lifestyles, folk in general.

Walking INTO the mall was a completely different atmosphere. There was chaos, but it was quiet. But, it was dead. There was no life to it. There was no heart, no joy, no fun. It didn’t feel right. We had white people zipping around the mall switching into uniform right in front of us, aprons to keep it PG. I felt alone. My mom has both white and asian features while being Honduran, it was an easily blend in. I stuck out like a sore thumb, I felt like one too. It sucked. The vibe,,,,sucked. I got a few head turns but I had fun. I had fun making jokes, whirling around the mall screaming “We need the immigrants, look at us without them!”. I had fun watching people turn heads and shake them when I nudged at my mom mentioning details of my Honduras trip just loud enough.

 

My mom eventually found out what I was trying to do, she knew I was just having a good laugh but jeez, I got scolded and we left. After that, I went home, which is code for thrift stores. I went to one, where I actually bought a cap that reads “The Pete and Wayne show”, it’s rad. Most caps are held in the Men’s section so when I saw a tall man in a mustard colored jacket with a Trump hat, I had fun with it too. Watching his disgrace as I purposely grabbed “Men” coats and sweaters to try, plus the cap. FYI, I did get a sweater, blue with hockey sticks. I felt more cozy in the thrift stores, Hispanics were flying everywhere. I would like to think of it as a safe haven for many. When I realized why I felt so comfortable, I got sad again. We had latinos and latinas working the cashier, carrying donations across the room. They had a look in their eyes that wasn’t the happiest. They didn’t want to be there, here, present.

Shoutout to the immigrants that couldn’t afford to loose a day of work, risking getting fired or even worse conditions. To those who smiled seeing protestors roam the streets, from inside of facility windows. For the folk who couldn’t do anything fearing potential deportation. Shoutout to those who were able to do something, not work, protest. These people are the life of it all, the heart. I don’t even want to count this as February 16th, it seemed to artificial to even call it a day.

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heart eyes

Angsty teen girl talking about a holiday based on a baby with an arrow, while touching on love, relationships, single-ness, and an existential thought to end.

Hey gang, hope you’re all doing well. It’s nearly midnight on a Sunday, but wait it gets better, in a couple of days Valentines Day is upon us. Now, we have two ways to go here. I have done both over the past 14 years or so. We can either be bitter, whine about a flying baby, or accept the fact that we can’t beat ’em, so we join them. I chose to join ’em unless ’em is code for corporate marketing ways and capitalism.

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I don’t know where I am, but it’s not complicated. I like a boy as more than a friend but at the same time as a best friend, which is apparently the “Your boyfriend is your best friend” goals, never really cared for standards. That part is complicated since the feelings between both of us have been like doing the tango on a 5 month loop. Too bad we’re too sarcastic to indicate anything between us. The easy part is that I understand that he loves me, and we are the best of chums, so do I really need to stress? At least we are in the safe zone. Tehe, he’d rather hang out with me than play GTA which is a bonus. I’ve fallen head over sneaker aglets for an ugly rat, but he’s cute o whateva.

I know this might sound boring, “Can’t relate!” “MustBeNice!!1” but haven’t we all have some sense of extra emotions towards another? A zest? I’m trying to talk about the childhood valentines days but I’m incapable of doing it in a discrete manor so here it goes : I miss childhood valentines day. The ones where we dragged bags of sweets and holographic cards with ridiculously genius sayings on them. My brother got one a few years ago thats holographic AND it’s a golden retriever. Now that’s what I call an investment. When did it all end, most importantly, why did it end? I haven’t stopped though. I refuse, last year in the 8th grade, you bet your biscuits I had my tiny plastic bag with air heads, lollipops, and disney princess cards with snarky messages of admiration imprinted on them.

Idea: An alternative title for this post would be “Puppy love” but I’m going to insert pictures of dogs throughout this whole joint!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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For the peeps who have hella heart eyes for someone, go for it! Ask yourself what happens if you don’t do anything, what if you decide to do something, or a simple “Maybe”. I’ve done this countless times with several other situations and it helps to get a somewhat image of possible paths. But, I’m a huge believer in YOLO, so I encourage you to go after anything you want. I have a friend with a ridiculous name, and I told him about my situation with “Wannabe” (what I call my egg head) and he reminded me that it’s a simple “No” if things turn south. Most of my friends reminded me countless times that I should be doing the things I promote, living in the moment, and doing the things I desire. That’s what I’m promoting you to do. Live in the moment. Life goes on. Things happen. If they happen in your favor, congratulations, you’ve hit the jackpot. If for your potential doom, gambling isn’t exactly necassory but how exciting is it to know that your own jackpot is still out there?

For the single and happy folk, yes! Being single is such a look. Honestly, iconic. Sometimes I think I can do this forever. This seems kind of empty, but here’s a happy portrait to feed your needs, people of all situations should read this. I’m not religious but I get snatched to church by my parents every week even though I don’t pay attention in there. Anyways, I was sitting in the church cushion and I had a thought, I cried because I was so starstruck :

Take any relationship you have. Someone preferably close to you, a family member, a best friend, or your mate. Now examine all of your conversations with that person, texting, talking, calling, snapping, handwritten sentiments, anything. Now convert all those times into hours. Realize how much time, in reality, you have spent with this person. It’s remarkable. I was converting my time with wannabe over new years, a convo from 9PM to 12Am (first person in 2017 ;)) which is short for us. So I took the past 5 months worth of convos into hours. I realized that if I smushed it together, if I were to just add the time of us talking without sleeping, eating, school, we would have talked for 2 WEEKS straight. Isn’t that incredible? You and the person you chose have done : That. It’s a crazy concept for me. Even crazier if I know the person for a longer period of time.

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Click here for something happy from the nostalgic valentines version of myself + a few sweet tunes aha get it, sweet, like candy, as in, valentines!

Bulletproof love – Pierce the veil – Pure guitar and soul cleansing from this classic :’)

No other heart – Mac Demarco  – What could you lose? Well for one, her heart, belooonnngggs to another and no other heeeaaarrrttt will do. A soft bop for sunsets and fresh linen aromas.

Stay – TYuS  – VERY underrated R&B artist, vibes similar to Partynextdoor. 🙂

L8r dudes 🙂

 

Emoti-gone

The happygoluckybean is in a rut. Over the past two weeks I haven’t been as happy as I usually am and it sucks. I find myself more serious, having a neutral face unlike me oddly smiling at all times. I also haven’t had a good nights sleep in two weeks even though I come home now a days and it’s literally all I do.

I seem to have lost motivation for just about everything. I truly believe I was trying to hide it, until the other day my sister pointed it out. She really asked me, “What happened to you? You used to make so many jokes.” Now I can’t remember the last time I was crying of laughter. I already argue with my parents enough but since I got back, its been worse. I feel both of them trying to reach out to me but I keep pulling away for no reason, I appreciate the gesture though.

I also find myself glancing at the past more and more. Oh how I miss the summer. I want it back.

If I’m being brutally honest I brought this upon myself. But I’m still happy ????? I have so much on my plate at the moment yet I still belted out “I GOT THIS!” into the empty pit I call my room. Maybe if I write more, I love writing when it comes to me. Maybe if I started painting again, oh god I haven’t used my retainer in ages…my appointment is soon. I will be exposed.

In fact, I don’t want just the summer back. Give me back 2016, 2017 was such a rip off in my case. Man, I’ve taken a loss every day in the past 18 days and it’s not getting better. I always find myself referencing to Drake being a superman but maybe he’s right when he said it’s gonna get a whole lot worse before it gets any better. Darn, I thought Mercury Retrogade was over.

 

If you have any suggestions to help me get over it, I will gladly do anything. So far my only goal for 2017 is to learn the funny choreography to Childish Gambino’s “Sober” video and learn how to write with my left hand (I’m right handed but I do things such as eating or brushing my teeth with my left hand)

 

From the biggest goofball in history,

l8r dudes!

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is worldwide ! 


To Note : The pictures used throughout this post are all mine. 

Yes, I am alive in the blogosphere. If you know me personally, get ready to hear my voice yodeling these witty remarks for the last time of the year.

Anyways, it’s been a whirlwind of a week since I hopped into a plane and travelled back to my family’s native country of Honduras. The adventure on the plane was certainly different. I had to fly first class being a minor with my sister so they gave us MEALS I couldn’t even finish. Mountains of salmon (A vegetarian dream) and some frisky fruit which pleasured me as I watched suicide squad for the first time. Picture this : Zooming at who knows how many miles in the blooming sky, observing and absorbing all that the little specs of your eyes can get a grasp on, and at first glance, mistaking clouds, as city skyscrapers before reality sets in. 

The first morning I was here, I called it home for some odd reason. Maybe it’s the colorful houses that scream my aesthetic or the people running and hollering down the street. This sounds weird, but geez this place is so different than where my real house is, down to the orange juice. The orange juice here tastes good, like back at home, but it tastes like real oranges. For a good hour, I was questioning us (we North Americans). If this is what real natural is, what are brands such as Tropicana or Florida “naturals” providing us? Are these chemicals and flavoring substituting how it’s supposed to be? Come to think of it, ORANGE JUICE DOESNT EVEN TASTE LIKE ORANGES BACK IN CONNECTICUT. As my friend said once, “Wake up America!” 

Besides that, I’ve counted all the mosquito bites I have on my precious body, the grand total came down to a whopping 54. Also, I referred to by body as precious simply because I have to cherish it, I, with the 54 bites has come to realize that this is the only body I’m going to get. 

I stopped by my cousin’s (We never crossed paths) where the only visual on the tv screen was an image of Donald Trump, proceeded by my 11 year old cousin screaming to his dad (I assume my uncle? I’m sorry…my dad is 1/20) “There’s that crazy man! Look, Pa! The one i was talking about!” It made me realize that Pitbull (not the dog guys) was right ALL ALONG when he said “This is worldwide, dalé!” 

I too have gotten a glimpse of politics over here, passing by murals of art dissing politicians of their own blood over towns. One, I recall, having a mans name written then followed with messy handwriting with, in summary : “He doesn’t care about us poor folk, he never will, don’t feed into this lie made by his rich friends.” Just yesterday, there was a political rally across the street, I don’t know who it was for but I enjoyed lurking behind some luxurious bushes and soil that will make your toes never wish for treatment again aha. There was chanting, a lot of it, names especially. There were promises being made over the loudspeaker with folks smiling so wide it blinded little ol’ me, with poor vision already. 

Speaking of smiles, I visited an animal sanctuary (Is that the word?). Consider this a reminder that we need to take care of the Earth and our animals at all costs 🙂 . I was in the presence of crocodiles, monkeys, manatees (sad that I forgot these dudes existed) in the water, and more all while being free in a tiny remote island with a large body of sea. It was quite the informative boat ride around the whole place.  

In the past few days, I’ve been going through some kind of identity crisis. To Natives, it’s easy to spot that I’m not from around. Whispers behind my back, “She’s from the North, she’s got to be.” I’ve actually been called a Gringa but I laugh it off because one thing I’ve learned is that, Honduras people love to joke. Even to me, I can spot the tourists with no problem. I mean, they make it incredibly obvious. Going off topic, at the sanctuary, I ran into these tourist with their big cameras and luggage. However, I seem like a native to them. I stopped in front of one of them, her pale face hesitant with her voice and tone just to mutter “Hola!”. I responded with a “Hey!” which left her BEYOND SHOOK. I’m still laughing. 

I’m literally living in a place with roosters in the backyard, where the neighbors have horses as we have dogs and cats. I’m from a place where for Christmas, we smoke off fireworks that make car alarms go off. I’m from a place where nearly everyone knows how to ride a motorcycle. I’m from a place that tourists describe as heaven on Earth. I’m from a place where the natives describe hell in land form.  

L8r dudes ! 

How am I supposed to Adult? 

 

I’ve been MIA for sometime now, I’m back. You see, I find it difficult to meet the blog deadlines since I simply cannot force the inspiration to write. Also, on this post I will be using “tags” to gain an audience so it’s hard to find something EVERYONE (anyone) can relate to.

So I have this fear, of becoming an adult. Can you imagine? Me, an adult. It gets worse when I imagine everyone I know as an adult too. I’m 14. I’m a baby. Yet somehow I crave feeling independent. Just the other day I learned how to use the self checkout at Stop & Shop and to be honest, I have never felt so proud of myself. I’m going to (legally) become an adult in less than 4 years. I met the halfway mark when I was still struggling with long division.

I am always asked where I see myself in the future but in reality, I can’t imagine myself with one. Of course I want one, I just haven’t found anything suited for me. Then again, I’m a baby. I ask myself at times if I will skeet away through life with this feeling. I will always have a future, a tomorrow, another minute even and it’s always going to be uncertain.

I tend to listen to music and dance whilst doing my makeup, today a podcast by one of the biggest influences on my life, and she was discussing how she saw a man and a child walking. The child was laughing and skipping, the man was stiff and steady strolling through the sidewalk. She was amazed to see that, that man, was once skipping and laughing the same way she was.

Another thing I think about, my story. Every chance that speeds by us, is gone. We will wait until the next one. For example, the friends that I have now, I can’t go back and change anything (not that I would). They have already been engraved into my storybook. The first time watching my favorite movie, I will never love it more than the first time. The first time I met my friends, I won’t feel that way with them again.

Granted, thinking about the people I know now in the future is scarier. These high school classmates will be different in 10 years. That goofball in math class, he becomes an accountant. Everyone will be so unrecognizable, wow. On the bright side, we can laugh at who we used to be (who we are now). We can also quake at ourselves being the people we said we will never become.

Live in the moment because you truly do live once.
L8r dudes !

Bone App the Teeth 

cooking tips from someone who can’t tell the difference between rice and beans.

#1: something I’ve had to go through 3 times – THE MOST IMPORTANT. when making ramen noodles, DO NOT forget to add water. your microwave CAN explode and your house will stink.

#2: mix milk and powder sugar. You’re welcome. You just made the frosting otherwise known as “glaze” .

#3: WASH YOUR FRUIT. my siblings still struggle with this I don’t know how. How do you do that? 

#4: Just because the “due date” has passed doesn’t mean that it’s time to throw it out! That’s kinda like wasting food. Most of the time, that date is just the time they need to leave the store/ restock, or it’s just freshest during that time. 

#5: My mom made soup the other day and she made rice with some little shreds of onions to give it some flavor. I have a thing to not eat soup during sunny days, somehow, I took the onions out and made rice pudding for the first time. Sure, I added enough sugar to have heart problems but I was super proud. My parents were too until they found out I used already cooked rice. 😡 

#6: Eating leftovers are 100% okay! I don’t like eating leftovers unless they’re Chinese food. I find leftovers weird, sorry American culture. Ironically my sister, loves saving her food. We once went out of burgers three years ago and she didn’t eat the entire meal, she left it in the fridge for like 3 days. How, I don’t know.

#7: CEREAL BEFORE MILK. Don’t waste milk! By putting cereal in the bowl or cup (i sometimes eat cereal in the cup) first, you get an idea of how much milk you need! 

#8: not a tip, just a reminder. STAY HYDRATED: HOMIES, I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. DRINK WATER. I find drinking water a pleasure since I dislike coffee (blah!) and tea! HOLY cow, water changes everything. You will always see me with a water bottle in my bag. I drink about 10 bottles a day and that’s just in the fall. Also, you can cash in your cans & bottles for 5 cents! You probably know all the benefits So I’ll move on. 

That’s all I have for now, because I simply can’t cook! Here’s the dish, bone app the teeth! 

L8r Dudes! 

IG: @partimezaddy 

Tumblr : haha the same thing! 

Candy corn for the spooky soul. 

A life update. 


I have had a serious case of writer’s block. It only got worse. Then, I started losing my mind, forgetting things, just brain farts 24/7. So I’ve decided to write about how life has been treating me these past few weeks. 

What better than a hectic update on my life! 

 

 1: I’m getting the hang of Japanese! I’m not as fluent as my other classmates but the progress is there! 

 2: I haven’t worn my retainer in a week and they felt small so I searched on an online forum to see what that meant : if I don’t start using it more, no matter the consequence, I’ll need braces (again). I’m back on track now. 

3: I began using SoundCloud more, a new obsession, expanding my musical tastes despite me only listening to like 10 songs every day. 

4: I reconnected with some old friends and it’s been great.

5: OCTOBER HAS BEGAN! This month always gets me excited because of my family’s religious background, one I chose not to follow for my future. Ah, Halloween. Even though I’m not allowed to dress up or do anything, I love it. I did celebrate once though. I was a black cat, my younger sister was a clown (laugh away in the irony of the most recent events), and my younger brother who was 3 at the time, was a cop. 

6: I got scammed off of tumblr. I ordered some stuff of a girl’s art (teenage like myself) shop. It never came:(. I messaged her about it and guess what? SHE WENT OFF THE GRID. Long story, made it short. Funny to laugh at me. Still waiting for stickers to come. Thanks.

7: I’ve been a little defeated lately. Longer story. Disappointed in some close friends

6 UPDATE: 10/15: CLARE IS BACK ON TUMBLR AND SHE SEND SHE HAS BEEN BUSY, SHE WILL SEND THEM ASAP.

8: I finished season 5 of new girl (picture above from season 2 Halloween ep.) and im SHOOK. Also, American horror story season 5 is on Netflix, haven’t had time to watch:(. But, I did catch on cable when it aired:). 

9: I WENT THROUGH MY OLD YEARBOOK AND REALIZED HOW EMO I WAS AND HOW EMO-er I AM NOW. HAHAHAH.
10: New friends! I’ve come to make some new friends! They’re great but we’re greater together. 

11: I just bought my plane tickets to go to Honduras for winter break (YOU, reader, can definitely expect blogging more often when I’m there) 

12: who knows! Im out here! 

Okay, this is kinda fast paced but I’m just so excited for what tomorrow brings! 
AHHH! 
until next time, 
L8r dudes.