my clit vs my dumbass

sometimes i forget my old english teacher is one of my readers


I said I was going to post more often, which was BULL.

Thanksgiving week is here which means I have more time to write, Stay tuned for :

  • My piece on my dysfunctional family Thanksgiving
  • My grandma coming – probably a poem BECAUSE I’M CORNY.
  • my thoughts and stuff on things that cross my mind

long thyme know c

Hey folk, it’s me again. I’ve decided to write again because I think I’m brilliant and interesting, something positive about myself that I don’t always show. While running this blog I felt a total “Fuck ye!! That’s me!” but now I started selling myself shorter than I should.  I think she’s making a comeback. Until soon, whenever that may be – Fuck ye.

I have ramen from yesteryear in my room

I’m realizing that this is my life, these things that I do and things that happen will continue to happen until my demise. Geez.

I haven’t posted in a really long time, not because you’re ugly. I actually have over 30 drafts of witty things, several titled with the time I was writing but I just wasn’t feeling it. As though I wasn’t proud of it, I’m proud of the content I write. You guys are literally feeding into my narcissism just my telling me that I’m funny (That will relate later).

Here are things that have happened since my dad ran over my toe.


  1. I found out that Dirty Dancing (My favorite movie) has come out with a 30th anniversary pack filled with useless trinkets that I, of course, believe are essential to have. It’s about 60 bucks which sucks (Ah, I’m rhyming. I feel like the version of Edgar Allen Poe that smiles.) Also, ABC is having a remake of the film on the 24th and the open minded part of me is like “Watch it!” and the other part of me is like “NO! In fact, cancel cable. Remakes are awful. This is disrespect.” Granted I’m stubborn so you’ll catch me protesting the remake be shut down.

2. I got a checkered pair of vans, people have since discovered that my feet stretch longer than the Himalayan Mountains. If you don’t know what the Himalayans are, I suggest going outside some more.

3. Mottai-Nai. JEsUS. I mention all the time how I blow up ramen for sport I don’t know how I was gonna make something good. Also, most of my clothes and items are more thrifted, reused so how do I keep the cycle going???


4. I went into hell, stepped out, went back in, left, and intend on never coming back. MY SCHOOL IS THE EQUIVALENT OF THE INFERNO. Stairway to heaven, more like graceful descend to pits of hell. At the same time, it’s not that bad. In 99 degree weather you will still find me sleeping with a heavy cover and a long sleeve, no sweating or anything. My body just adapts well. As of now, I can’t tell if it’s literal heat waves from the guy himself, the sun, or the kid that sits next to me in choir, who never shuts up.

5.  I watched a kids tv program. It is known for comedy but I couldn’t even crack a generous smile. It was so painful to listen to the jokes. In the episode, one of the main characters gets a gig in a comedy club in hopes of a comedy career so there is a scene of him “being a comedian” (?) and I was just ???  Then I realized these jokes aren’t real, hopefully they’re all scripted, and this kid can genuinely do better than this. I feel bad mentioning this but Diary of a wimpy kid books are actually pretty funny ahahahah.

6. I absolutely idolize this man, Steve Lacy. I can go on and on about how kickass he is as a musician and as a person. So much so the thought of him makes me cry. Oh here come the waterworks. He was in New York yesterday at an Apple store with fans and people interested in how he makes his music through Garageband which is phenomenal.  Sadly, I couldn’t be there, I was drinking out of a fishbowl.


7. I went to 7 Eleven’s Bring your own cup day with a fish bowl. Was I called a genius? Yes. Do I think I’m a genius? Judging on how I misspelled genius both times writing it, I’ll get there.


Bonus tales for the lifeless :

  1. I got a 99 on a math quiz I took on Friday, with doing little math at all. I do quizzes backwards and realized a pattern on the last page which included all the answers needed for the rest of it. Now that I think about it, I am a genius. Then again, the teacher was probably lazy. When I told people about it, their faces made O’s.


2. Speaking of O’s, I asked someone to RKO my mom. We got into a huge fight Friday morning over my sister (A whole other blog post, more like a rant). See, she’s a trombone player. So they were taking an end of year trip to Six Flags. My mom suggested for her to come with us to drop me off and go straight to her school .But, my mom waits for no one. Anie was literally out the door and my mom goes “Too slow!” followed by the SKKKRRRTTT of the gas. I hate when my mom does that, it happened last week I was out the door to go to the gym and she LEFT. I spent the next hour crying and deciding whether I should run away or not. Anyways, she decided to stop by McDonalds for food.

She bought me food but I couldn’t even look at her. I was literally texting my sister to start running to school because there was no way she was gonna make it on my mom’s clock. Right after eating she gets a text from her friend to pick her up at the train station. You see where this is going. We fought. We fought. I argued. She even went “Angie, enough.” Which is rare, also a boundary line. ahagahah but I let out one : “What are you gonna do? Push me out the car?!?!?” before realizing I’m 3,000 miles past the no cross line with my mother. We even fought during school hours where my mom answers in vague Yes or No without giving direction to a certain answer. So she made it seem like Stephanie never made it (She did), which made me infuriated, telling her she made me angry, which followed with a “K. :)” WHY THE SMILEY DAMNIT PATRICIA. Followed that by “You must respect your mother that’s the first commandment in the bible.”


Fellas, there’s so much more but I’ll save that for another day. I’ve come to realize that these misadventures occur because I let them happen, am I gonna ever stop that? Nope. Wouldn’t trade it for the world. A little part of me wonders how I’m gonna get through a lifetime of these. Until next time,

L8r dudes 🙂

it’ll take a second to read

unless you’re fake and only doing it for the blog pyramid

yall are so cool and nice it MUST BE NICE. The other day my dad said it was cold outside and I replied with a “No duh Sherlock” and I spent the next 40 minute car ride reflecting on who taught me to be this passive aggressive

ANYWAYS! bYE! KEEP BEING NICE, ITS NICE. (This is referring to your comments, positive and bluntly sarcastic, very entertaining)


bruh just believe a bruh

yes, this stuff happens to me on the daily occasion . no, I can’t make this stuff up



I’m morbidly exhausted, and stressed. For the most part, I’ve survived Freshman year, it only costed me a few limbs. I’m going to dedicate this to me. This is a tribute to all the embarrassing things that have happened to me at school, the ones I can think of in half an hour.

  1. I have this group project due with a few classmates, let’s just say that as a group, we suck. I fleshed out my anger by writing it out, on an assignment, which I didn’t turn in. Turns out, the teacher had access to the document the whole time! I WAS VERMILLION RED. He found it, I was wonderfully exposed and now I can’t look at him in the eye. To make matters worse, I found this twitter called KanyeFeel and the first tweet, “What you say about me says more about you.” Ouch.


2. I was skipping a class, ONCE ONE TIME PEOPLE, and me being a goody two shoes ended up sulking in the bathroom for 90 minutes. It sucked but Big Sean dropped his album the same day so it made my afternoon enjoyable. Also, I felt guilty. My sister asked me “Angie, have you ever skipped a class?” My first reaction? “Who called?” only for her to confess that she has skipped LIKE A LOT. SHES LIKE 3. HAHAHHA.

3.  One time, Angiesunbeams liked a guy. So much so, that she did the splits for him. HSSGHGAGHA that sounds weird. Anyways, she thought she was flexible, turns out the pants weren’t! In conclusion, her 4th grade class weren’t allowed to watch Fantastic Mr.Fox. Plot twist : After 5 years, the same dude, ended up getting accepted into my high school program. Can’t even look at him.


4. Another time, same year, same school, she decided to go for flexible round2, and that’s where Angiesunbeams realized that she was afraid of heights. Yup. She didn’t get off the jungle gym until after school. And I mean, after school. The teacher who got me down should have gotten paid for extra hours.

5. I totally copied my 6th grade Michael Phelps article from, Protip, only amateurs click the first link.

6. In the 2nd grade, I was already quite a writer. I was sent down to the vice principal’s office for having stellar word choice to describe ice cream and toppings.


Side note: This will always be my favorite meme, it will always be funny to me oops!

7. I shut down the school store in the 3rd grade for stealing a girl’s smelly bookmarks (Smelly as in I could eat the bookmarks, not smelly sock smelly) and selling them for like $20. I actually made cash, I’m flabbergasted.

That’s all I can think of for now, can guarantee there is more. IM SUCH AN INSTIGATER.

Also, this is me trying to make you smile.

L8r dudes!





She doesn’t even wear cardigans!

She went from trying to pursue a non materialistic lifestyle to spending $60 on a cardigan.

As I get older and the weather continues to get warmer I find myself in the situation of wanting money to buy things. Yeah, my parents are usually willing to cooperate buying some trinkets for me but I was never the person to ask for stuff. I tend to make my own money now (something I’ll get to later) but saving it is rough.

Spring break is coming and I think it would be naive of me to think I could go the entire time having fun without using $20. Maybe I’ve become so used to depending on income to determine how much fun I have. Fun isn’t free.


I have like $40. That’s it. Now, I can do all sorts of stuff, or I can essentially save it and build a surplus of cash. I need a new makeup brush set. I need to try out new makeup. I need to buy more of the same face cleaning products. I want to buy some more clothes. I want to have that cash for when I go out to the movies, malls, parties, or simple things like a 7/11 run. Ugh! With all that, I can try to save but I don’t want to be the person that can’t go somewhere because I am trying to save money.

I go to thrift stores weekly which probably is why I’m having this dilemma. My style is constantly shifting but remains in the same theme. I started selling clothes which kind of hurts. I have this tendency to buy things and wear it once or twice ONLY. So I sold this windbreaker to a friend for 10 bucks which made me feel like I was making progress of my problem but it felt weird for her to give me money. This was days ago and it’s still sitting in my bag like I’m going to give it back to her. A solution I came up with was to sell my clothes on depop so I wouldn’t have to worry much.


can y’all see the vision


Everyone around me is stressed and I can’t take it. I wanna throw a dog bone with a message on it at everyone’s head so that they can finally see the answer to all things I vision.

My friends are stressed about the future. The future as for what they’ll see, what they’ll do, of who they will be come, themselves. I get the stress, for a little bit. Sometimes I get worried too, I don’t know what I’m doing but it’s working out. We’re so fixated on this “future” and it’s not even here yet. I understand precaution, but sometimes, all the time, the universe has a funny way of working out for itself.

I feel like this generation is so pressured to have all their stuff together that it sucks the fun out of everything. I’m a teenager. Most of you are teenagers. You’re not supposed to have your life together. Never. Never, ever, will you ever have your life completely right. Learn to just take it as it is.

Also, be yourself. Never ever ever be someone you’re not. Say anything you want to say. Do whatever you want to do. Believe it or not, life is just a projection. In this way, you can do whatever you want, whenever you want. Literally. I can, right now, sneak off to the ToysRUs and rip off the heads of every teddy bear in there. You can too. But you won’t. I don’t want to though, you probably don’t either. Once you realize how much power you have, it kind of stings that you have been roaming around this world never ceasing opportunities because, the only thing in your way, unfortunately, is yourself. Maybe this is why I have no problem making a fool out of myself, dancing, laughing all the time while being careless for it. I can do this! You can do that!

I promote everyone, within the next few days to do something we think we would never be able to do. Maybe, you steal a grape from the grocery store. Also, be careful if you do end up in that situation and don’t make it a habit. I’m going to go choose courses for a version of myself that doesn’t exist yet! bYe!

Take the poll for proof I’m actually speaking to people


L8r Dudes!