the pretty side of having a mental illness

(There is no pretty side) 

This post is about how media and people in real life glamorize mental illness as some kind of “aesthetic”. The truth of the matter is : This shouldn’t be going on, no aspect of being mentally ill is pretty. 

I’ve seen on tumblr so many times pictures of people who have slit wrists and forearms with a hashtags underneath the so called art proclaiming it as,  under it “#cool” “#aesthetic”. This whole “hHella rad, hHella sad” mindset is hella aesthetic & hella pathetic. Social anxiety is another big one. It’s super cool! The way you are “quirky” and “weird” and “tasteful” to be socially awkward, to not want to talk to anyone. It’s the “honeymoon” phase until you can’t leave your house with the fear of having to strike up a conversation. The mental breakdown you have for even 5 seconds when someone calls your name.

There is such a fine line between these things and sadly  unfortunately, many people don’t know the difference. Who knows, maybe they don’t know what they’re doing. I get it. I’m “weird”. I’m “crazy” and a “fool” but that’s not a mental illness. I act like this because I have so much confidence and awareness of myself that I don’t care about being seen as foolish or idiotic because I’m having fun.
At this point, what’s the point of having the word sad, if you are feeling “depressed” for an hour or day? Depression is for a period of time, longer than some show marathon going on leading to the grand finale, longer than school hours, I hate how people limit their vocabulary using the opposite of ideal word choice. What’s the point of using the word clean or neat to describe a person who likes a clean car, but now has “OCD”? You aren’t bipolar because your feelings change. Eating disorders aren’t glamorous.   That’s not depression, the epidemic of self diagnosis is wrong. That’s not OCD, the epidemic of self diagnosis isn’t good for your health. People will get so wrapped into “curing” themselves from a disease all because they have ONE of the symptoms. I would say that all of these things are normal, things change, people change, you get sad, you like to be orderly, don’t proclaim something that is not yours like some prize. 

Mental illnesses are not hashtags. They are not black and white photos of scarred wrists or sad quotes about loneliness. People die from these diseases each day and yet kids like you and I sit behind their device and glorify them for the purpose of “aesthetic”. I’m tired of seeing Tumblr blogs and tweets about these illnesses making them look attractive. Mental illness shouldn’t be a some kind of sick fetish.

However, if you decide to speak out on your mental illness, this is worth a celebration. Im not talking about the real people who are so brave who choose to speak about it on whatever platform possible. This is for the people that are fake, those who a romantizing these mental illnesses.  For the people behind the screens, you need love and excitement more than reblogs and likes. This is kind of jumpy but that’s because I just wrote all of this, like in half an hour.
So, Part 2 soon!

* I do not have a mental illness, this rant was brought to you by the stirred words the internet gave me after being online for 30 minutes

L8r dudes 🙂


table for one, please.  

I’ve been in High School for about a month now. I’ve come to realize, that I, more than ever, am on my own. The people who have been such a major part of my life, are rarely there, not by choice. I wish I was there during the big moments, but I can’t. 

As this progresses, I’ve come to notice that all I need…is me. I wake up at 5 AM by myself. I do my makeup & I get dressed by myself. I eat by myself. These are things I’ve never really stated, it’s just obvious. I walk into school alone. I’m alone. 

 I’m a positive person, I will never have a frown on my face, quite the opposite actually. It wasn’t until I acknowledged what I do, that I found out something most people won’t figure out their entire lives. Being alone doesn’t mean you are lonely. I sleep by myself! I beat my face & mix match my clothes, by myself! I can totally eat alone! I make myself happy! 

Sometimes, I find myself surrounded by a majority of people but I am still uninspired or uninterested. Other times, I will find myself and just one other person having more fun than if I was with 100 more people. I call them my close friends.

In the past, i found myself feeling “lonely” simply because I was alone. Now, i love every chance I get to be with myself. I have this freedom and adoration for me that no one else can really take. I don’t have much time for what I used to do : to busy evolving. Is receiving attention a good thing? Sure! Will I ever beg for it? No! 

In the future, I will live like I have always, alone, with myself. I feel as though older me will be more exciting since I will have more freedom and opportunities to cease. I am satisfied. That’s all I need for now. 
That’s all for today, 

L8r dudes.

gender rolls & sexist trolls

9:00 – a messy rant @ night 

Gender roles have really defined the world we live In today. We continue to say that “It’s 2016, the world is changing” but has/is it really?

Thousands of years ago, whatever ancient civilization you decide to pick, you can see where this culprit lies. There will be the hard working, macho, man who is supposed to protect and take care of everything. Then, you will have the woman, “happy”, “hearty” housewife that spends her days pleasing her family and the community by showing that she is great at what she does, follow orders. 

Remember that movie that played in the theaters for weeks? Remember that tv show, the one that went on for 8 years? How about the album that was on top for months? Believe it or not, these memorable parts of our childhood showed how easy it was to manipulate us. I recall watching many episodes of men, angry, that their girl friends or wives making more money. Maybe I’ve seen episodes of different shows with this same synopsis. It’s not just work wise.

All my life, I have been fed these toxic thoughts. I feel like, in reality, clothing has no gender. At the end of the day, you have clothes. We must be grateful for what we have, no matter how we are perceived by others. For spirit week’s throwback Thursday there was a guy wearing a crop top. Yet, people continue to ridicule others. They called him “gay” and I’m guessing other derogatory terms. First, gay people can wear anything. Yes, some gay people enjoy wearing the “stereotypical” gay person clothes. How gay men are “SUPPOSED” to appear feminine. How lesbians are “SUPPOSED” to appear more butch, masculine looking. Again, I recall tv shows or movies, supporting this bullying. Gay, straight, whatever, clothes is clothes. CLOTHES is CLOTHES . If you prefer being identified as a boy, go ahead, wear whatever you want. The people wearing these clothes probably don’t even care, they’re just out here, living. 
This is no different than 10 years ago. Change? Nope. Kinda, people are more open and care free which is amazing! Am I hopeful, do I still believe there will be a change? Yes. 

More to come. 

Until next time,

L8r dudes 🙂 
love you,  sappy cam!